How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
