found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends