I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
