that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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