She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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