she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
