my mouth tastes like poor choices
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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