So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize