if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
