I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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