My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
