You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
