What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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