Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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