My brain says no but my pants say off.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
