I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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