feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
