I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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