hotel room ftw
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
