I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
