Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
