I love black thongs
Porn is love you can see.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
