I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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