Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
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On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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