I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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