Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
God, I missed his penis.
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