lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
