everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
