Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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