Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
