hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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