I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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