She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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