i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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