I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
