Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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