trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
