Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
