I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
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