Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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