Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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