real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
