ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
