Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
