I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
