Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
