so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I look better un-naked...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
