Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
