and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
