ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
