Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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