WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
