Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the condom got lost in my hair
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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