You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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