And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
