This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
