3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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