Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
false alarm. still invincible.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
