drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
