Duck Duck Cougar?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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