i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
