I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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