It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
