He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
