I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
