i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
