He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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