I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
