Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
