she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
