I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
