i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize