he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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