Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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