It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
