I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
