My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
